Wanna start anew.

When I say my cell phone is my life, it is indeed.

Because when I lost it, I lost my whole life stored in it.

So I can start anew. Open a new book. Start writing a new chapter that begins with an 'I' and not a 'You'.






Ps: You promised me that you want to dance with me, you lied.

Shed tears.

As much as we say we cannot do it, we have to go through it. Like it or not.

Life can be like that. And time never waits.

In the end, we are moving on. Always.

We are taking our degree,

Some finished their Sem1,

Some are still struggling,

Most importantly,

We are leading our way to becoming a doctor!

The teachers,

Sir Zul is in his PhD,

Teacher Najwa is getting married!

Sir Dal might be a dad already!

A lot has changed. And I am missing our old days. Truly. Really. Am.

If before I said, I really wanted to run away from everyone,

I wanted to go to places people do not even know me,

I thought of starting a new life.

Now,

I really want to go back in time,

To enjoy the moments I have missed :'(

What a stupid I am. I let sadness overtook me.

Love is in the air.

2 days of walking back to 'bilik' together. I am a happy girl :)

Hey there!

Who is it, that perfect person you just saw today? I'm so curious :(

Dang!

I really miss my lifestyle when in keyel.

Sendu pula malam-malam begini :''(

Don't start girl!

Tadi was the first time him calling me by my name. It felt weird and awkwardly sweet. Because he always called my by the title only. And he saved my number! Just who is normal enough not be moved by that?

And me too. I was stupid to call him by the title and not 'encik'. It felt like I was trying to flirt with him.

Hmm. Girl, just don't start it. This is just temporary so let's not think bout it. The business between you and him has finished so cut it off already!

12am.

Whatsapp-ing until 12am can be both early and late. How can?

When you whatsapp your crush/ bf gf, 12am is 'masih morning' or 'malam masih muda'!

But when you start whatsapp-ing a married man, girl 12am is very damn late!


Ps: sorry kak.

Malu.

Mama said that kalau pilih tua senior takpa, kalau tua sama batch hmm..

But I really do think that I am blessed, sebab I boleh pilih yang tua 🙈

And when she asked, 'pah badi suko?'

Ouh yes mom, I like him but I don't know if he likes me too. Let's just hope he does. But doesn't this feel like too early still?

Semput.

Two shocking news in just one day. Phew. I honestly don't know how to react.

I said, why rushing? And that was when it hit me! Girl, at your age, this is normal plus this is the perfect time to find your 'one'. 

However, let's just wait and see if he is gonna contact me tonight since he already has my phone number. Hmm.

Yep, nothing.

Looked cute.

He looked super cute and handsome at the Graduation Day. I miss him again.

Most importantly, I still do like him. Not love. Love is a strong word that I really do want to avoid saying it to the wrong person.

Enough of my rant for today already haha.

Ps: when is 'Abang Misi' gonna approve my follow request?

Devastated.

Jake Bugg's new album is not on Youtube anymore. I am sad. :(

Where, now, can I find your album? Hmm.

I'm back!

After so long taking my time off, here I am again! 

Miss me yet? Haha. From today onwards, I will be writing again particularly on my long, hard-rock paved journey to being a successful doctor one fine day, with Allah wills. 

Till then, adios for now!

Heart attack.

Allahu.

Allah grab hold of my heart very firmly so I will always be safe and sound under Your love and care.

Let this heart only yearns for You. I give myself to You.

Truly am tired of all this.

Ending of all.

It's super exhausting for an introvert to meet people.

Super drained. Mentally. And physically.



ps: may we meet again next year.

Tired.

Of backing off. Guess it'll always be my thing.

Draft.

I waited for him. But nothing.

ps: Dreamt of him a few times lately. Huh. I miss him. On this very day.

I am weak.

Maybe they are expecting so much more from me. When even I am not happy with myself, how can I expect people to be happy for me?

I am a total jackass. I am a total blockhead, that I know. I am becoming a 'Star-Lord'.



I am a failure. Always not good enough.
I am sorry for being myself.

Now I can talk.

She is not being disloyal.

She feels suffocated. With her life. And Patrick is not being really helpful to help her settling with her life. See, he barely has time for her. Eventually, they has less time spent together. It is not her fault if she has fallen for Will.

Will always understands her. Always pushing her to live the life more like a human being should has. Just what girl so stupid would not fall for that?

She. She is the only one person whom Will could talk to. Will surprisingly, is so comfortable to be with her. She offers him help and care, being all understanding and considerate, lends him her ears. She is being a kind friend trying to help a quadriplegic in a wheelchair going through life he did not expect would happen.

She is not being disloyal. She has every right to be happy. So is Will.

Hah.

When I thought I was losing one kind company, I was wrong. I got my friends.

When you thought you were losing one kind company -because of your stupid moves- you actually were.

Crying.

I am literally crying. Alhamdulillah Allah. May You ease my journey afterwards.

Only You know how much I want to be here. Thank you Allah. 

ps: hopefully i'll get better result in cie.

You.

Suddenly I miss you so very much. Suddenly I yearn for your company.

La Vie En Rose.

Is it?

My brain says that you are the best person in my life. Is it? I don't think so.

But I am not sure either if you are not.

Because you can never hold on to something that does not want to stay.

Sigh.

I bet she really hates me, huh! What is wrong with her?

I am dying. Sigh.

Mixed feelings.

So many things happened today. Don't really know what I am supposed to feel.

1. The event was a total disaster. I stuttered a lot. Like a lot. And the long pauses were really irritating. I was feeling sleepy, and was asleep for like a few minutes before I was called by the lady. And was blank, could not think of any fresh ideas. So shitty. 

2. I had a long walk to find the surau. Why on earth did they put it there? Tak nampak kut! Since I was wearing heels, my feet hurt like shit. I even had leg cramp!

3. The laksa was not so nice. And the seats by the window were all full, so could not much enjoy the relaxing view.

4. Finally, I tore his picture after keeping it in my wallet for a damn long heart-breaking year. The misery has finally ended. Congrats to dear self.

Because this is my first life.

The Visitor

The coming of a person

is in fact, a tremendous feat

because he

comes with his past and present

and

with his future.

Because a person's whole life comes with him.

since it is so easily broken

the heart that comes along

would have been broken - a heart

Knowing oneself is not easy. Knowing others is almost impossible.

Everyone comes with their own 'baggage'.

Wasting my time.

Got only a roughly of one month before I- nope, we- leave the school. And here's me still writing on this blog, regardless of the total time I have for studying and exams!

Well, we all need some time to relax no? Haha.



ps: Only God knows what will happen next. Let's wait and see.

Today.

Today was amazing. Finally felt like breathing again and alive. No more suffocating. So relieving. 

I walked alone and freely in the middle of the city, bumping into the same old persons but strangers and foreigners. For hours, just as much as I needed it to be. 

So relaxing. To be at the right places at the right moment, and also to be wearing nice and pretty clothing. 

I smiled so brightly today, I even took few cute pictures ihiks.

I wanna smile like today, always. Think I can do that. 

Alhamdulillah Allah. 

ps: dont really wanna talk anything else dah. think i am so done already.

1, 2, 3..

Counting days.

No doubt.

Know what's worse than being left?

Leaving while you are still deeply in love. And the worst is watching him move on and forget and you are still holding on without him knowing.

And still hoping him finding his way back to me.

So soothing.

Talking to him. Whining to him. So comforting. At one point, I can smile even when I am having a hard time. So blessed to have him.

Love you, bruh.

And I also know, you would kill me had you know what I have been keeping from you, till now.

And him also. I have disappointed many. And here I am, still acting innocent when I am not. Sorry.

Allah forgive me.

Online.

Whenever I want to give up on you, you are always there. Always.

Or maybe not. Maybe it is just me. Sigh.

Still do.

This has been going on for far too long already. Still, it has not faded yet. Still.

15. Feb. It has been nearly a year, and still counting. 

I.

Should have known your love was a game
Now I cannot get you of my brain
Such a shame, that we do not talk anymore.

Zero.

'Maybe it is just me, but I wonder what it is like to have someone fall for you. I mean, REALLY in love with you. Not just because they think you are attractive, but be consumed with every little piece of you. The way you talk, the way you laugh, the way you just exist.'

-anony.

Lets.

Jom jadi lawa!

.

That is it. Only one-word reply. Sad thing.

20.

20 and I still love you.

Yes, you are!

                                  And, yes. You are too expensive to me. Know that.







ps: wish i can offer you comfort

Shaking.

My hands are shaking. My hearts beat like a drum. Still. Never miss its rhythm, every time.

Yet, I still fear. Fear of the absence once I set my foot, further from here. 

Allah draw me away of all these. This will be the right path i choose, bi idznillah. And I know You will always be with me, when nobody does. That is how much You love me! 

And, Allah increase my love to You. Amin.