Aduh.

Sakitnya kan?

Menangis dalam hati.

Sampai no energy to talk to people. Tired. Drained.

Feel like quitting.

PMS-ing.

I am having one of those days, again.



Really needed a break right now...

.. and wanted to spend the time with important person..

.. and never wanted the person to leave me until I am okay.



When can I share this feeling with my significant other (maybe?) emm.

Never let it happen, please.

Today evening, i dreamt of a very, very, very sad occasion. I woke up with my eyes wet. Did i just cry in the real life too? Because, yes I cried a lot in the dream like, never ending sobbing.

I dreamt that I would never see Huda again in this world. At first, I just could not process the information so I just stand there doing basic daily routine without feeling anything. But then, there was one moment when I actually saw a familiar person in front of me, it was Huda. She was helping me with the routine with a very bright smile on her face.

Only then, I realised something. She helping me with the chores was not real. It was just her shadow that I saw.

Then, something crossed my mind. 'Am I never going to see that smile again ever?'

It hit me deeply. The next thing I knew was me sobbing. With that unclear mind.

'I could not ever imagine a world without her in it'. Never can.

~10 April

Just sad.

I really don't know how to describe my feelings right now. It's just that strong feelings of being helpless. And useless. Sort of. And because of that, I cannot contain anymore sadness in me so I cried in my bed. Helplessly.

Sometimes, I just think that I never did enough for the people around me. Especially for someone I loved, more than the world, more than anything. Because they are my precious whole world.

Ehe.

I am a happy girl..

.. in a happy world~

Sometimes I just like to write out things that are significant to the dreams I had, mostly which gave me some sort of sentimental feelings.

'You seem different.' - 25th July 2018

I still remember when I dreamt of this. There was this one guy, we were holding hands and our eyes locked to each other when he said those words to me. There was uncertainty in his eyes, and I saw his confidence in us- in our relationship- disappearing in the thin air. That was after he knew the thing I had always been kept from all others for a long time.

The thing is, I never know the guy or what he looks like, pretty sure never have met him before.

It is just a funny story, maybe. But I just like it. The feeling.




Ps: not even a single simple 'thank you' note. just nothing.

Shall we?

I think I want to wish you birthday at 12 sharp. Let's try and see what will happen then. A simple 'thank you' note would be lovely. ❤️

Tired.

I think I wanna attach my heart to you, still. Just so I can end our unfinished business. Let's just hope that the future might let us meet, one fine day. I really hope so.